Why Do I Lie About My Drinking?

Have you ever been asked how much you drink and given an answer that wasn't quite true?

Perhaps you said you had two drinks when you'd actually had six. Maybe you told your partner you hadn't been drinking when you had. Perhaps you bought alcohol and hid the bottles, or poured yourself a drink when nobody was looking.

And afterwards, you thought: “Why did I just lie about that?”

It is an uncomfortable question. But lying about your drinking does not automatically mean you are dependent on alcohol. There can be several reasons why someone hides, minimises or lies about their drinking. The important thing is to understand why you feel the need to hide it in the first place.

Let us break this down into more digestible chunks.

1. You don't want people to judge you

Alcohol is often treated differently from other things we do. Having a few drinks with friends is normalised. But admitting that you are drinking more than you intended can feel very different.

You might worry that people will think you have a problem. You might be concerned about what your partner, family, friends or colleagues will say. So when someone asks, “How much have you had to drink lately?” you give them the answer you think they will be comfortable hearing.

The lie can feel easier than the conversation that might follow. This doesn't necessarily mean you have an alcohol problem. But if you regularly feel that you need to hide your drinking from people close to you, it is worth asking yourself why.

2. You don't want an argument

Sometimes the reason is very simple: you don't want the conversation. Perhaps your partner has raised your drinking before. Maybe you've argued about how much you drink. You already know what they are going to say, and you don't want to hear it again.

So you say, “I've hardly had anything.” The immediate problem disappears. There is no argument. But the underlying problem hasn't gone anywhere.

Over time, this can create a cycle where drinking causes concern, concern leads to hiding the drinking, and hiding the drinking makes it harder to have an honest conversation about what is actually happening.

3. You genuinely don't think you drink that much

This one can be surprisingly complicated. You might not be deliberately trying to deceive anyone. You may genuinely believe your drinking is under control.

For example: “I only drink at weekends.” “I don't drink every day.” “I never drink before work.” “All my friends drink the same amount.”

These statements might all be true. But they don't necessarily tell you whether alcohol is causing a problem. Someone can drink only at weekends and still regularly drink far more than they intended. Someone can go several days without alcohol and still find it difficult to control what happens when they start drinking.

This is why looking at the pattern and consequences of drinking can be more useful than simply asking whether you drink every day.

4. You are embarrassed about how much you drink

Sometimes the drinking itself isn't the only issue. It is how you feel about it.

You might wake up after a heavy night and feel embarrassed about what happened. Perhaps you sent messages you regret. Maybe you argued with someone. Maybe you can't remember parts of the evening. Or perhaps nothing particularly dramatic happened, but you simply feel disappointed in yourself.

That can lead to shame. And shame often encourages secrecy. You don't want people to know what happened, so you tell them a version of the story that feels easier to live with. The problem is that keeping secrets can make drinking feel even more isolated.

5. You are trying to protect your drinking

This is one of the more important questions to ask yourself. Imagine someone says: “I think you're drinking too much.” Your immediate response might be: “No, I'm not.”

You start explaining why they are wrong. You point out that you went three days without drinking. You remind them that you still go to work. You compare yourself with someone who drinks more. You find reasons why your drinking doesn't count as a problem.

Sometimes this is simply a disagreement. But sometimes it can be a sign that part of you is trying to protect your relationship with alcohol. If someone challenges something that you don't want to change, it can be easier to defend it than to examine it.

6. You promised yourself you would drink less

Perhaps this is where the lying becomes more difficult to ignore. You decide: “I'm only having two tonight.” But two becomes four. Four becomes six. The next morning, you tell yourself it won't happen again. Then it does.

When someone asks how much you drank, you give them the smaller number. You might even give yourself the smaller number. This can happen because admitting the truth means admitting that your drinking isn't behaving the way you intended it to.

Difficulty controlling how much you drink is one of the recognised signs of alcohol-use disorder. Other signs can include drinking more than intended, struggling to cut down, continuing to drink despite problems, cravings and withdrawal symptoms. None of these signs alone gives you a diagnosis. But they are worth paying attention to.

7. You don't want to admit it to yourself

Sometimes the person we are most worried about telling the truth to is ourselves. You might know that your drinking has changed. You might know you are drinking more than you used to. You might know that alcohol has started affecting your relationships, mood, sleep, money or responsibilities. But saying it out loud makes it real.

So instead, you negotiate with yourself. “It's not that bad.” “I'll cut down next week.” “I've got it under control.” “I can stop whenever I want.”

There is nothing unusual about trying to reassure yourself. But if you keep making the same promises and repeatedly breaking them, that pattern may be telling you something.

So, is lying about your drinking a sign of an alcohol problem?

It can be a warning sign, but lying about drinking on its own does not mean you have an alcohol problem. There are many reasons why someone might hide or minimise their drinking. What matters is the bigger picture.

Ask yourself: Am I drinking more than I intend to? Do I regularly struggle to stop once I've started? Have I tried to cut down and found it difficult? Do I drink to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness or difficult emotions? Is drinking causing problems in my relationships, work or everyday life? Do I spend a lot of time thinking about when I can drink? Do I feel guilty or worried about my drinking? Do I hide alcohol or make sure other people don't know how much I'm drinking?

The NHS lists several of these behaviours among signs associated with alcohol-use disorder, including drinking more than intended, difficulty cutting down, guilt, concern from others, continuing despite problems and cravings. You don't need to answer “yes” to every question.

What if I want to be more honest about my drinking?

You don't have to make a dramatic announcement. Start with yourself. For a week, try writing down exactly what you drink. Don't estimate. Don't round it down. Don't leave out the drinks you had when nobody was there. Just write it down.

You may discover that you drink less than you thought. You may discover that you drink more. Either way, you have something useful: an honest picture of what is actually happening.

If you're concerned about your drinking, you can also speak to your GP or a local alcohol support service. You don't have to wait until your drinking has completely taken over your life before asking for help. The NHS advises that support can include community alcohol services, counselling and mutual-aid groups, depending on your circumstances.

What if I want to stop drinking?

This is where it is important to be careful. If you drink heavily and regularly, suddenly stopping can be dangerous if you have developed physical dependence.

Alcohol withdrawal can include symptoms such as sweating, shaking, nausea, anxiety and disturbed sleep. Severe withdrawal can lead to seizures or delirium and requires urgent medical attention. So if you think you may be physically dependent on alcohol, speak to a healthcare professional before suddenly stopping.

There are different levels of support available, and treatment does not automatically mean residential rehab. Current UK guidance includes community-based medically assisted withdrawal and other community treatment options, with the appropriate level of care depending on the person's dependence, withdrawal history, health and circumstances.

The question behind the lie

Perhaps the most useful question isn't: “Why did I lie about drinking?” It is: “What was I afraid would happen if I told the truth?”

Were you afraid of being judged? Starting an argument? Disappointing someone? Having to change? Or admitting something to yourself that you've been trying not to think about?

You don't have to label yourself as an alcoholic. You don't have to decide that you need rehab. And you don't have to have everything figured out today.

But if you are repeatedly hiding, minimising or lying about your drinking, it may be worth stopping for a moment and asking yourself what the drinking, and the secrecy around it, is trying to tell you.

Sometimes the first step isn't stopping drinking. Sometimes it is simply being honest about what is happening.